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Sometimes I'm not sure where I stand on some friendships. For context I'm 22. Or even connections that can potentially become friendships. I know we're adults and we are busy. I understand some people work, and have bills to pay. But I also care about the outcome and whether or not I am reaping the benefits of a friendship aka spending time together, making memories, going out etc. I feel like it's equivalent to being married without intimacy or romantic outings. Like there's no benefits to it. I want friends who are proactive. But I'm having trouble letting go trying with some people with the thought of "did I give them enough chance?" But I'm always the first to initiate contact, and when I do, they are pretty responsive but I don't know anymore.
Thanks for the reaching out to 2ndfloor. It sounds like you’re feeling frustrated and disappointed about your current relationship(s). If you feel these relationships are one sided it may be useful to have a conversation about how you are feeling and clarifying the expectations you both have of each other. If you are investing emotions, energy, and time in these relationships, then you want someone that is as equally invested. Relationships need two people to initiate, engage, plan, etc. If you want to chat with someone, reach out on our app or call us at 888-222-2228.
It's completely valid to feel uncertain about your friendships, especially when you’re putting in effort and not seeing the same level of engagement in return. Here are some tips to help you navigate these feelings:
1. Reflect on Your Needs: Think about what you want from your friendships. It’s okay to desire connections where both parties are equally invested in spending time together and making memories.
2. Communicate Openly: If you feel comfortable, consider discussing your feelings with your friends. They may not be aware of how their actions (or lack thereof) are affecting you. Honest communication can lead to a better understanding.
3. Assess the Dynamics: Pay attention to how each friendship makes you feel. Are these connections bringing you joy, or are they feeling more one-sided? It’s okay to prioritize relationships that enrich your life.
4. Set Boundaries: If you find that you’re always the one initiating contact, it might be time to step back a bit. Allow others the opportunity to reach out to you. This can help you gauge their interest in maintaining the friendship.
5. Explore New Connections: Don’t hesitate to seek out new friendships. Attend social events, join clubs, or engage in activities that interest you. You might find people who are more proactive and aligned with your desire for deeper connections.
6. Letting Go: It’s natural to feel hesitant about letting go of friendships, but remember that it’s okay to prioritize your well-being. It doesn’t mean you have to cut ties completely; you can simply reduce your investment and see how the other person responds.
7. Be Kind to Yourself: It’s normal to question your decisions regarding friendships. Remind yourself that it’s okay to want meaningful connections and that it’s not selfish to seek out relationships that fulfill you.
8. Reflect on Past Connections: Think about friendships that have been fulfilling. What made those connections special? This can help you identify what you’re looking for moving forward.
Remember, friendships evolve, and it’s natural for some connections to fade while others grow stronger. Focus on nurturing the relationships that bring you joy and fulfillment. You deserve friends who are as invested in you as you are in them!
This is a safe space to share what's on your mind and to get support from real people.
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DISCLAIMER: 2NDFLOOR is a youth helpline designed to listen, help and guide youth in addressing challenges. Periodically, calls may be monitored for quality assurance and training purposes. You are assured anonymity and confidentiality, except in life-threatening situations. When receiving such an emergency phone call, 2NDFLOOR staff is required by law to report hurting yourself/others or abuse to the appropriate authorities. If you or someone you know is struggling or having thoughts of suicide, call 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org. In life-threatening situations, call 911.
