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All of my life I have struggled with my weight. I hate how everything looks on me. My 90lb friends call themself fat infrtont of me. I despise them for this. I just want to hide from this world. Why does it have to be so hard. I want to form aneroxia and just be skinny. Im only 13 and five feet five inches and im 175 lbs. I weight way to much. Im not obese but my blood sugar is up and I dont want to get diabetes. My mom always looks at me weird when I am eating and so does the rest of my family. My friends say I am totally fine but my family has made me hate my body so much so no matter what I will never be satisfied. This has caused me to self harm but I am 1 month clean. I have the biggest urge to do it right now. I want to die because of the way I look. Today and other times my mother calls me a fat pig whenever we argue and it hurts so much. People at school call me a white Lizzo and a marshmellow. I can't talk to anyone at school or at least no adults because they will definetily contact my parents even if I dont mention self harm or harm to others. I have a therapist but I cant openly say how I feel around her. I feel like I will be judged but I know that I wont. Many times I just think about ending it all. How much eaiser it would be for me to just dissapear. But at the same time I fear death. It is the one thing that is inevitable. Should I wait for it to come or just do it myself and reclaim death. Death wont do anything to me. Heaven or Hell? Thats the real question. Any tips on how to lose weight fast even if unhealthy? Because working out and dieting does not do anything for me and I do not have the willpower. I just want to escape this cruel world and the hell in it. Why cant I be skinny like the other girls. They eat so much and loss weight. I have the tiniest boobs and butt and I look like a rectangle. I have the worst baby face and hate my mirrors for showing how big of a fat ugly person I am. My body will never be the way I want it to be. The second I start to lose weight I gain it all back. How do I make myself throw up? *Asking for a friend*
It is clear you are in a lot of pain and need help. There are many good things going on that you do have going for you like having a therapist, you have people who care about you and you've been clean from self-harm for a month. There are some other concerning things like wanting to develop anorexia (which is an extremely unhealthy way to lose weight) and your thoughts of wanting to die. There are many healthy ways to lose weight to do. Try asking your doctor for help. If you have the ability, hire a nutritionist and trainer to help you. Try writing down one thing a day that you like about yourself and read them after you have a few collected. Now for your suicidal thoughts, it is important that you let an adult know you are having them so you can get help. A parent, a school counselor and especially your therapist. Your therapist can be trusted as they are trained to help people with their problems and not tell other people unless they are in danger. You can call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline if you ever feel like you are going to act on your thoughts at 800-273-TALK. If you ever wanted to discuss your problems further you can call or text us at 888-222-2228.
This is a safe space to share what's on your mind and to get support from real people.
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DISCLAIMER: 2NDFLOOR is a youth helpline designed to listen, help and guide youth in addressing challenges. Periodically, calls may be monitored for quality assurance and training purposes. You are assured anonymity and confidentiality, except in life-threatening situations. When receiving such an emergency phone call, 2NDFLOOR staff is required by law to report hurting yourself/others or abuse to the appropriate authorities. If you or someone you know is struggling or having thoughts of suicide, call 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org. In life-threatening situations, call 911.
