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Hi 2nd floor, I am incredibly stressed out. I am trying to host a birthday party. I will be turning 23. I have not had a bday party in 13 years.
Lots of reasons (relevant to this post):
1.) My bday is near the winter holidays/final exams
2.) I've had a lot of social related trauma in my life. My `10 bday was traumatic because I was outcasted on my special day by my peers. Due to other issues in my life, I struggled my whole life to make meaningful friendships, not because of me, but others I guess never saw my worth or wanting to be there.
So here I am, almost 23, facing my fears and anxieties head on my making a bday party. This is the most social I've been and the most connections I've made. Thus, I'm always triggered. Every message of "hey, I'm traveling that day" or "My parents are coming over to visit from XYZ" sounds like an excuse to not be there and blow me off, though I logically know the truth. But my "emotional traumatized" part of my self is ready to take over, and it makes me spiral to the deep pits of insecurity, worthlessness and past wounds.
As I'm coordinating, I have at least 5 people who will come and other people who not yet confirmed or won't be able to make it. But I still manage to see the short-coming, or feel worried that those 5 people will think I don't have other friends and will "pity me" (please do emphasize that point in your response because it's been the most pressing issue for me).
It's just a birthday .... yet tugs at every emotional wound I've ever had.
I am sorry you are going through this and your past birthdays have not been what you expected. It is good that you are having a party for yourself, that shows progress so give yourself a pat on the back.
This 5 friends that said yes, is there a reason you think they only said yes because they pity you? Are they close friends? Have you known them long? At this point, you should try not to think about who is coming just enjoy the preparation and the party when it arrives.
I would suggest though, if you don't see a therapist, I think it would help. It seems like you are trying to work through a lot of things. Speaking to someone about it will help you work though it.
Please reach out to 2ndfloor if you'd like to discuss this further. We are available though our new app, by text or phone. Our number is 888-222-2228.
Hi! It sounds like you’re feeling really overwhelmed, and that’s totally okay. Planning a birthday party, especially after not having one for so long, can be super stressful. Here are some things that might help you.
First, take a moment to breathe deeply. It’s normal to feel anxious, but remember that you’re doing something brave by hosting a party! It’s a big step, and acknowledging that can make a difference.
Next, try to focus on the positives. Think about the people who have said they can come and how excited you are to celebrate. Concentrate on the friends who are eager to be there instead of worrying about those who can’t make it.
You don’t have to plan a huge event; even a small gathering with a few close friends can be really special. The most important thing is spending time with people you care about, so keep it simple.
If you’re comfortable, let your friends know that you’re feeling anxious. They might be more understanding than you think and could offer the support you need. It’s okay to communicate your feelings and ask for help.
Additionally, if the planning becomes overwhelming, it’s perfectly fine to scale back or ask for assistance. You can always celebrate in a way that feels right for you, without putting too much pressure on yourself.
Remember, this day is about you and what you want! You deserve to feel special and celebrated, so focus on what makes you happy, whether that’s cake, games, or just being with friends.
Lastly, be kind to yourself. It’s okay to feel sad or anxious about past experiences. Acknowledge those feelings, but try not to let them control your party. You are worthy of love and friendship!
You’re doing an amazing job by facing your fears and trying to connect with others. Whatever happens, just remember that you are not alone, and it’s completely okay to feel what you’re feeling. You’ve got this! 🎉❤️
This is a safe space to share what's on your mind and to get support from real people.
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