School
Hello All,
All my life I wanted to be a nurse because I was a premature baby, and since middle school I wanted to give back to other babies to give them a fighting chance as well to achieve their dreams.
The school work and course load is not bad, even with 18 credits, when I start to struggle I get help so I don't fall behind.
I feel like I will be a bad nurse. At work as a receptionist I 'zone out' in those moments when it is incredibly slow as I do not know how to do everything that the other girls can do like file claims, so I'm stuck waiting for patients to come in. I hate feeling stuck but every time I express my "Can I learn something new" I get told "not right now" or "okay, I'll have Dr.___ show you."- which never happens.
I'm a very permissive person and I was told I need to be more confident and superior at work instead of talking to the patients and having them "take advantage of me"- even if they are waiting for the doctor. It is not as like I am starting conversions with them, they start conversations with me. I can not ignore or not engage in the conversation as that would be rude. I have been there for almost a year, and many of the patients who are coming in now are those who I held meaningful conversations with, they remember me and smile and strike up new conversations. When they hired me he told me that within two months employees typically get a dollar raise and it will go from there. I've been there for a year and I got a 50 cent raise 8 months in... after I expressed my interest in learning how to perform a task, but they never reviewed the task with me so I can not teach patients.
Any who, this experience makes me question if I have what it takes to be a nurse. It is most likely a mix of my lack of confidence and extreme fear of causing someone to die.
I have witnessed people die before, and it was a rough shock as I was in the Emergency Room and performed CPR. I just fear making a mistake and accidentally taking someone's life- especially if I want to work with premature babies. As a certified EMT, I would be the person to retrieve items instead of taking action as I would freeze and not know what to do in that moment.
I am not sure what I want to do because I have worked my butt of studying for AP classes and the likes and I feel to get this far, be accepted into a nursing program, and quit would be horrible over this inescapable fear.
Do you have any suggestions? I am open to anything.
Thanks,
Nursing student