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Hi, I am 15 years old, and I have a very mentally/physically abusive mother.
I'm not sure where to start off, but I'll just start from the beginning...
My constipation problems:
So when I was about 2 - 7 years old, I was very sensitive to gluten/dairy products and they would cause me to be constipated. And this I guess has caused me during that time, to learn to hold in my poop because I thought it was going to hurt even more. So I would go like a full 5 - 7 days without taking a shit. Anyways, my mother would have to give me an enema (I think thats how u spell it) and I of cource didn't want one and I would start screaming. But she would lay completely on top of me and beat me and give me the enema... so I guess that how this all started..
Eating problems:
Then once I got a little older, around 6 - 9 years old (the ages overlap) I became a very slow eater. I never wanted to eat my food, most likely because of the whole constitution thing, and in being in fear that she would have to shove up an enema up my ass again (So I guess this may have been anxiety). The slow eating REALLY got on my mother's nerves... to the point where she would take the fork/spoon and just start shoveling until I started gagging. She made me eat my dinner on the bathroom floor multiple times, and even one time when I was about 6, she was slicing my food up for me and I was taking too long so she cut me with the knife on my cheekbone. Also, one time she took a full pitcher of water and smashed it over my head.
Punnishments:
From when I was about 6 - 12 years old, whenever I got in trouble she would make my sister and I sit in the corner of the room on the floor until my father came home from work. We would sit there for hours, just waiting. And we would get in trouble for ussally no reason, or for fighting with eachother, but tbh thats what siblings do.... we were only around 7 and 4 years old what do you expect.
One other time, when I was abt 12, my neighboor was going to take me and my sister to the community pool. I was trying to gather up all of our stuff like suscreen, towels, goggles, and putting on my bathingsuit, but then I started to be running late. And btw, my mom wan't helping me at all. And my neighboor pulled up to the door and said that she was ready to take us to the pool and my mom decided to just let my sister go to the pool and not me. Which at the tine made me very mad because I was looking forward to going there. And I started yelling at her why couldn't I go and she said it was because I'm so slow at everything. And then she started beating me and threatened to bash my head into a wall. And then she drove me to my father's work and during that entire time she told me that she wished she never had me.
Threats from my mom:
I've heard many death threats from her like, "I'll slit your throught" "I'll crack your neck" "I'll bash your head" etc- She also likes to slam the breaks in the scare you, so you think she will cause an accident on the road! It actually happened today.
Oh, and she also used to threaten us to take me and my sister to the adoption center and said that she hope that we would get adopted or foster parents that would abuse us. And she also threatened me muliple times to take me to the mental hosital becuase I was giving her a attitude eventho she gives me one every single day for no reason.
Body Shaming:
My mild acne: she will look at my face and some of the pimple or black head and say how bad they look and that I need to fix them. HOW DO I FIX THEM!! I'VE BEEN DEALING WITH ACNE SINCE I WAS 11!! 4 YEARS NOW!! She also would call me pizza face.
My smile: One time I got my 7th grade photo picture back and I showed it to her. She told me that my smile looked so fake and that she would never pay anything for a photo of me looking like that. That really hurt me, everytime I smile I still think of that.
My body itself: When I was younger, I used to very skinny, but over the whole coronoa virus and growing into a more womanly body, I'm not as skinny anymore. My mom continuessly talks about how much weight I gained in the past two years.. back in september, she said how thick my theighs were getting, And back a couple days ago, I was changing into my my pajamas and she says I need to start working out becuse she can see cellulite on my butt. And she take points out that I have stretchmarks near my hips. And how they look bad. But everytime I try to excersise she makes fun of me for it.
Comparing her to me:
She CONSTANTLY compares herself to me. How mature she was, how skinny she was, how athletic she was. For exsample, she said that she was only 86 pounds starting hihghschool and that I'm 110 pounds starting highschool. She also makes comments about me eating, Like "don't you eat any more cookies, or your gonna get more cubby"
My mom & my dad's relationship:
They have a pretty bad marriage, They argue almost every day, and never agree on anything. They used to be worse when I was younger. Only one tome divfice came to my house because the police were called beceause my mom decided to supposedly walk me and my sister to my grandmother's aparentment that was a town away, btw she was very drunk.
They were also going to get a divorce, but they called it off because my mom knew that she wouldn';t be able to support me and my sister. But either way I would have said that I would want to live with my father.
My Father:
To be honest, my father is one of the only people that i can actually talk to and understand me. He hardly ever laid a hand on me or even yelled at me. But my mom bashes him for being a "drunk" but he isn't one at all, but she tries to make me and y sister believe he is.
So yeah... sorry this was long, I just didn't know who to send this to or what to do so yeah.. I've talked to my school consolur once about this but he didn't do anything becuase I told him not to, becuase I'm scared that things could get worse. Everyday I dread/fear going home becuase of my mom.
If anyone has advice that would be great, because I'm just hopeless and I can't escape an lowkey thoughts of you know what.
But I know what your just going to say to call this number or do this or that, but u don't know if thats really going to help me..,
Omg sorry I wrote so much.
So all of the behaviors you are describing are unacceptable for you to have to go through. You don't say what happened when DCP&P came to your house, but what you should do to get this abusive behavior to stop is contact your case worker from when they came and report all this to them. If you don't know if you can report all this, just read them the post that you wrote. If you don't know your case workers number, call the main number to report these behaviors at 877-NJ-ABUSE. Your school counselor that you reported this to should also have reported this to DCP&P since he/she is a mandated reporter and your safety is in question. You could go to them again if you need help, or better yet choose a different one that will report these behaviors. Also, if at the end of your post you are referring to suicidal thoughts, that is never the answer to anything and you can get help for that if that is what you're talking about. You can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK for help with suicidal thoughts.
Hi thanks for replying back, so when DCP&P came to my house, I was only 9 or 10. So I didn't really know much about them, all I knew is that they came because my dad called the police on my mom when she was walking us to my grandmother's apartment while she was intoxicated. But when they came to my house, they first went through my refridgorater and walked through all the rooms of the house, and then asked me and my story of what happened that night when my parents got into an argument and how my mom was waling us to our grandmother's apartment during the night (abt like 10:30 - 12am).
I did tell them what happened but I never told them everything because I was too scared.
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