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I'm grateful for this space, because there's absolutely no way in hell I'm sharing this with any support person in my life, and you'll be able to tell why soon.
I just wanted to get this off my chest.
I started dating this guy, who I thought was 5'10. We've been in daily contact for a month and a lil over. He checked off all my boxes. We went on total 2 dates.
While I regard him as "perfect" in all his attributes, values, and similarities, I am not physically attracted to him.
I know this will sound shallow, but I've societally been labeled as "conventionally attractive", and everyone was always like, "Oh you'll pull a model!"
I was disheartened when I noticed he's not very tall. He's like I think two inches taller than me and I'm 5'3. Height matters to me as well as attraction.
I think he really fell for me and he said I checked all his boxes and with age him 28 and me 23, I think he wants someone to settle down with. He did say he is dating for marriage, which matches my goals. But I'm not physically attracted. I cannot see myself on my wedding day and family pictures being the same height. Appearance matters to me. He doesn't fit what I had in mind regarding how I imagine my significant other to look like.
But given how Ive been feeling, I don't know if I'm comfortable moving forward with our interaction all together. Like there he is falling for me by the minute, and hear I am carrying very cynical, judgement views on his appearance. I don't want to break his heart or waste his time and make him more attached if that's how I'm feeling or been feeling; I think he deserve a woman who's maybe more mature to overlook the height thing.
So maybe I should just pull the bandaid? Or maybe we can remain friends.He wants us to meet at the gym as gym buddies, but I don't know .... Or maybe I don't even have time for this all together and just focus on myself. I want to express my feelings to him, just say I'm not as ready for a relationship like I thought I would be, I of course won't be blunt or honest. But I don't know how to bring it up. I know this is gonna hurt him because he's already in love.
It's my call and I'm just using this space to sort it out. I understand this whole thing sounds superficial, and I won't deny that it is. But it's also reality and standards and preferences, which I know everyone is entitled to, but that doesn't mean it's not judgemental/immature.
Thanks for reaching out and sharing. I mean everyone has a type and there is nothing wrong with that. Like you said, there is no reason to be blunt and honest about that. I know you don’t know how to bring it up but it also doesn’t have to be a whole thing. You can simply go with the idea that you are just not ready for a relationship like you thought you would be and realize that you still want to focus on yourself more. That’s all you really need to stick to when you have the conversation even if he tries to get into more details with you. If you would like to talk about this further you can always call or text us at the 2NDFLOOR Youth Helpline. We are here 24/7 at 888-222-2228. Good luck!
This is a safe space to share what's on your mind and to get support from real people.
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