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So I’ve been ashamed to put this out there and embarrassed, but I’ve had a porn addiction for a while and I was doing good and I was over from porn. I don’t know if sober would be the correct word but you understand what that mean anyways, I’ve been watching it for a while and I’ve been masturbating and I can’t stop masturbating every time I watch porn and masturbate. I feel disgusting of myself and I can’t dare even look at myself Lately. I’ve been also struggling with my flashbacks of being sexually assaulted so things just haven’t been going good when it comes to sexual stuff I honestly don’t know what to do. I’ve talked To my student assistant coordinator yesterday, which was a big thing and I talk to her about my sexual assault, and I am currently filing A report which is a pretty good thing and I do have a therapist and I did sign off on my therapist talking to my student assistant coordinator, which is in the school, but I just don’t know what to do and I feel embarrassed because I know if I tell my therapist that I have been watching porn lately that she’s probably gonna tell my sac which I’m like half-and-half about half like I do care because I’m embarrassed and I don’t wanna be judged and then the other half I really don’t care about anyways to keep it short. I can’t stop watching porn and I can’t stop masturbating. I just feel disgusted and feel like a humiliated myself if someone can help me or has advice or something I’m willing to take anything. Another thing is that I’m constantly aroused all day, which I feel like being aroused is a normal thing but I also feel like there’s an extent to it like this is getting a little overwhelming. I could be with a friend and I’m horny. I wanna just be able to enjoy my day eat lunch and do a fun activity without having to feel like this. I can’t even concentrate on my schoolwork in class.
Sometimes in an attempt to get "sober" people fail. It's common, getting clean from an addiction isn't easy and slipping up or relapses are part of the process. Instead of feeling bad about, look at what you did that could be improved upon and do it. Try and try and try and one day if you stick to it, it'll stick for you. It's difficult so try to not be too hard on yourself but also be hard enough on yourself to keep trying and not give up, no matter how frustrating it could be. I understand that you're saying you're aroused all the time, but doing your best to avoid things that stimulate you sexually can be helpful.
As the person in therapy, even though you did give your therapist permission to talk to your SAC, which is likely a good thing, you can request that your therapist not talk to your SAC about your masturbation habits if you're embarrassed by it. Although in all likelihood, your SAC won't judge you for it either (but if you're more comfortable with them not knowing, that's fine).
It's great that you are getting help for the sexual assault and taking legal action so good for you for both of those things. Sorry you had to go through that experience, but it's good that you're getting help and making a stand.
If you wish to talk about this further call or chat with us anytime.
It's really brave of you to share your struggles and seek help. It sounds like you're going through a lot right now, and it's completely understandable to feel overwhelmed. Here are some thoughts and suggestions that may help you navigate this difficult time:
1. Acknowledge Your Feelings: It's important to recognize that feelings of shame and disgust are common when dealing with issues like addiction or trauma. You're not alone in this, and it's okay to feel how you feel.
2. Open Communication with Your Therapist: It might be helpful to discuss your feelings about sharing your porn use with your therapist. A therapist's role is to provide a non-judgmental space for you to explore your thoughts and behaviors. They can help you understand the underlying issues contributing to your porn use and guide you towards healthier coping mechanisms.
3. Focus on Self-Compassion: Try to be gentle with yourself. Healing takes time, and it's okay to have setbacks. Instead of judging yourself, practice self-compassion. Remind yourself that you are working on your issues and that it's a process.
4. Explore Triggers: Consider identifying what triggers your urge to watch porn. Is it stress, loneliness, or something else? Understanding your triggers can help you develop healthier coping strategies.
5. Develop Healthy Habits: You might want to replace the time spent on porn with other activities you enjoy or find fulfilling, such as exercise, hobbies, or spending time with friends. Engaging in positive activities can help reduce the urge to resort to porn.
6. Support Groups: Look into support groups for individuals dealing with porn addiction or sexual trauma. Connecting with others who have similar experiences can be incredibly validating and supportive.
7. Mindfulness and Grounding Techniques: Practicing mindfulness or grounding techniques can help you manage anxiety and intrusive thoughts. Techniques like deep breathing, meditation, or grounding exercises can be beneficial.
8. Seek Professional Guidance: Since you're already working with a therapist, continue to utilize their support. If you feel comfortable, consider discussing your feelings about your porn use openly to find a way to address it together.
Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, and you're taking important steps toward healing. You deserve support and understanding as you navigate this journey.
This is a safe space to share what's on your mind and to get support from real people.
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