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I have a friend named John (fake name). We became friends in 5th grade. The next year I had to go to a different school because my family moved to a different house. Two years later, we began to start talking to each other on the phone. John told me that he became a fan of a band named The Bee Gees and he idolized Barry Gibb. The more we began to talk, the more he began to constantly talk about Barry Gibb. It became so annoying. Today, I spoke to him and he spent 39 minutes talking about Barry. 11 minutes not even talking to me and playing a Bee Gees song and the other 10 minutes actually talking to me. I get that he really likes Barry and idolizes him but its gotten so annoying. Because of this, I was going to end the call. John was playing a Bee Gees song at that time and I had to tell him about SIX times that I was gonna leave before he noticed. I want to tell him that this is really annoying but I don't want to be rude or ruin our friendship. What can I do?
Hi there, thanks for reaching out to 2NDFLOOR. It sounds like he is really excited about his new found interest in The Bee Gees and seems eager to share his interest with you. You can try gently letting him know that during your last interaction you felt unheard without mentioning that he is being annoying. Try to focus on how you felt during the last conversation when addressing the issue. Hope this helps, we are here 24/7 via text of phone call at 888-222-2228 if you'd like to discuss this further. Thank you again for reaching out.
It seems like you and John really had a beautiful foundation of friendship if you stayed friends with him even after you left that school, and so I'm sure you have some common ground. And it sounds like now, John has a very strong interest in something that you don't really have an interest in... and that's perfectly ok! Friends don't have to share all of the same interests all the time. There are a few important things you can take out of this, as frustrating as it is:
1) Focus on the shared common interests that you both have.
2) Communicate. In the same way that you can't expect John to like everything that you like, neither can he expect that of you. Explain to John that you don't love the Bees Gees as much as he does so you don't want to spend 10 minutes listening to their music over the phone. It sounds like John is genuinely excited to tell you about this band, and he doesn't realize that you don't share his excitement. Speak to him kindly, and redirect the conversation to the things you both like when you start feeling annoyed.
3) Compromise and be supportive. You don't have to have an interest in your friend's INTERESTS, but you should be interested in your friends themselves. If this is something he's excited about, get excited for him about it. For example, just like you want your friends to be excited for you when it's your birthday, even though it really is just another random day for them and it isn't such a big deal to them, you want them to be supportive and show excitement for you because they care about YOU!
This is a safe space to share what's on your mind and to get support from real people.
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