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My pen scratches paper

And I’m at a loss for words.

So many thoughts fly

Around like birds. They all

Fill my head and I

Dont know what

To say-

Should I right

Of truths that I wish were known,

Or of wrongs

That others were absurdly shown? Should I write of

What positivity’s left in my head,

Or of how I wish I would end up dead?

“You should probably try

To lay in your bed”

But too much of me remains unsaid.

Sometimes I wish I could record my thoughts, but they

Are

So

Com plex

Nobody’s able to connect

The dots.

In my mind, I find myself so

Lost. I lock myself up

In this very small box. I sort myself out, but I mix up some

Parts. My heart with my head

And my head with my heart.

My fists where my mouth

Is, and my mouth at me feet.

I feel as though I can

Never compete

With those who know

What they want from themselves. I envy

Those who have goals that they

S T R I V E for, then I hate myself

More and more. I watch

As they smile and wish it were me. I wish

That I could also be that free. Don’t misunderstand,

I am happy for the others, but I see

Brothers with sisters and

Sisters with mothers.

I have a family, alhamdulillah,

But it is not often

We speak to each other.

I wish we would talk

And hear one another,

But we usually end up

Frustrated with each other.

Don’t get me wrong, I love

Them so much, but sometimes

They anger me and I deny saying such.

That’s a problem

Of mine, my heart makes

Decisions, it also affects my

Future’s visions. I lose sight

Of life and of where

Paths cross. I cry and

Blame others but that’s my loss. Without

Reflecting on how I got

In these positions, I drive

Myself into

Mental collisions. I look at the

Crash and observe the damage. This is the

Result of my choices that were savage.

I crave knowledge, but

I hate to learn. When others guide

Me, my anger burns. You think you’re

Better than me? You think

I am dumb? No that’s just me being

A sore bum. I hate

Losing but I hate

When I win. People’s congratulations

Makes my patience grow thin.

If they ignore me,

I huff and puff then

Convince myself I’ll never

Be enough. I cry every night,

My confusion a taunt.

I am not quite sure

What I want

from myself.

I want some award

Displayed on a shelf, yet I hate

The attention, for I am someone

Otherwise without mention.

I am casually overlooked like

The problems of this earth. Those that

Are man-made, like burning coal

in a hearth. We pollute our atmosphere

Then complain, “Why did it

Snow?” It makes us insane.

We destroy

Glaciers and poor oil in the

Ocean. Dear mankind, this is

An unhealthy devotion. We destroy

Our land, a gift from god.

Most political figures are

found out to be frauds.

They say one thing

Then do another. Separating children

From their only mothers.

We say they are unwelcome but

Why can’t you see?

They are human, just like you and me.

They fled from home, in

constant fear, then hope

Their family tree will

Grow here. We destroy their hopes

And turn it to ash, our priorities

And ethics begin clash.

The value of life continues to fall.

Suicide rates in youth are higher

Than all

the others. The mothers and fathers

that see Their kids

Dead. All this time they

Fought to keep them fed.

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2NDFLOOR

Super Moderator • 2 years ago

Thanks for sharing your words. Hopefully expressing yourself like that was able to help you feel better. Call or text us anytime you would like to talk.

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