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I’ve sort of been feeling like I’m balancing on life and death. Life feels unreal, and sometimes I feel like I don’t belong in this world, or that I’m just a blur. It’s hard to describe. I get into these moods where I feel down, and want to disappear, or these other moods where I don’t feel like eating even though I’m hungry. Sometimes I feel like life isn’t for me, and I genuinely become confused on the human life and what it even means to be human. Am I less human than anyone else?
I don’t know if this is a mental health struggle or not, but for the most part I’m alright I think. It’s either I’m actually fine, or too distracted to notice.
There’s been times where I wanted to just drop dead, though nothing has happened to me. I don’t know why. Maybe I’m just lazy and feel like doing tasks is taking up energy? I don’t know. I’ve already tried therapy once, but that didn’t last long. How will I know if therapy will even help? I get so nervous when asking my mother about it. It’s sort of embarrassing. I vent to my friends sometimes but I never feel heard. No one listens to me in the way that makes me feel listened to. I don’t know what to do anymore.
You do sound like you would benefit from some mental health therapy just to see why you are feeling the way you are feeling. It's great that you've tried it before and just because you did doesn't mean you should not try it again. Some people do feel embarrassed by having mental health issues, but it's very common and something a lot of people deal with and not anything people should feel shame over. Maybe try writing your Mom if you are embarrassed to speak to her about it. They will also "hear" you if you feel unheard because that is their job. Good luck with your journey and you can call or text us at 888-222-2228.
This is a safe space to share what's on your mind and to get support from real people.
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DISCLAIMER: 2NDFLOOR is a youth helpline designed to listen, help and guide youth in addressing challenges. Periodically, calls may be monitored for quality assurance and training purposes. You are assured anonymity and confidentiality, except in life-threatening situations. When receiving such an emergency phone call, 2NDFLOOR staff is required by law to report hurting yourself/others or abuse to the appropriate authorities. If you or someone you know is struggling or having thoughts of suicide, call 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org. In life-threatening situations, call 911.
