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My grandpa died 2 months and 3 days ago. I even witnessed it happen, the way his heart monitor flatlined as the paramedics took him out of the house. Ever since then I've been in and out of these mood swings. I hate that I'm struggling so much with coping with his death. We were super close, and I looked up to him a lot. I feel bad for it too. I was the last person to spend time with him before he passed. I feel guilty that it was me and not my mom or my grandma. I havn't cried much since his funeral, but when I do I struggle with functioning normally again. I miss him alot. I wish it never happened. I wish he was still here. I wish I could just give him a hug one last time. It hurts a lot and I hate that it does. School work on top of this is just so overwhelming, and my school counselor offered to excuse me from assigments, that all I need to do is just ask. But I feel guilty for doing that. I know I can finish the assignments and using his death as an "excuse" makes me feel so guilty and wrong inside, like it's evil. I just wish I could heal from this. I hate death. I hate that it's permanent. I hate that he died. I just want to be okay again.
I am so sorry you are going through this but I am glad you reached out to 2ndfloor. Losing a loved one is difficult and honestly if you need a break it is okay to be excused from assignments. Try not to feel guilty. You also had no control over who was with your grandpa when he died. I am sure your mom or grandma understands this. I think it is important to talk about this to a counselor but just know grieving is a process and people go through it in different ways. There is not right or wrong way to grieve. Here is a good website you should check out. www.griefspeaks.com (http://www.griefspeaks.com) Of course please feel free to call or text 2ndfloor too, if you feel the need. We are here 24/7 @888-222-2228. Good luck!
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