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Hey there, 2ndFloor.
It's been a long while since I've reached out for advice. I'm happy to say that things have been going my way for quite some time, now... I fell in love with a wonderful guy; I finally feel completely comfortable around someone else for once; I am working towards loving myself more (I struggled with this in the past, however my boyfriend builds up my confidence as I do with his and it's very helpful!); I lost my virginity after not being sexually attracted to anyone for the longest time; and I am fully content with the relationship I am currently in.
Of course... things aren't always so perfect. My boyfriend is black (mixed/light-skinned). I am white. My mother, brother, step-father, and grandmother were extremely surprised by me dating a black guy... While they weren't completely supportive of it at first, they haven't been too hurtful or negative towards having him around... In fact, I've had him over several times and I believe my family is warming up to him, which is great!
This is where it gets tricky... Long story short, for certain reasons, I do not live with nor associate with my father and other brother. Both are very racist, abusive, hurtful, and ignorant. It was brought to my attention tonight that my father found out about my boyfriend; he then emailed my mother about how he doesn't like "his only daughter dating a n*gger." He went on to say that if I were to get "knocked up," he would purposely go out of his way to make it difficult for me to seek treatment under his insurance (whether I were to keep the baby, get an abortion, etc). Furthermore, he and my brother both claim that they've "heard" that my boyfriend is "ghetto," "a fighter," "a party-animal," and is "above legal age."
Now, keep in mind, I know that my father is not saying these things because he cares about my well-being... I wish it was that way. Unfortunately, my father has never been a father to me, as my only father-figure is my step dad. Furthermore, I know my brother nor my father really "heard" any of this, considering my boyfriend isn't from around here. To add, none of their assumptions are true... my boyfriend is very soft-spoken, is not aggressive nor violent whatsoever, is very mature and excerises his manners at all times, and doesn't attend parties or look for trouble. However, my dad truly believes all of this crap, and even went as far as threatening to get the police involved because he believes that my boyfriend is 18+... when in reality he is 16 years old... (I am 15).
I would like some advice on how to go-about this... My mother says that while she is still trying to get used to the idea of me dating a black guy, she does have my side against my father and brother, and urges me not to reply to them because they will ultimately only cause problems... However I would like to do the mature thing and briefly respond to my father and brother (via text, email, or written letter) and correct their assumptions...
Thoughts? Help? Similar experience, anyone? Let me know. Thank you!
Sounds like this is a tough situation to be in. It's great that you are feeling better emotionally and have found happiness in your relationship as well. As far as reaching out to your dad, maybe your mom has a point on not addressing this with your father since he is not in your life anyway. Perhaps you could let it go for now until it becomes an bigger issue, cross that bridge when you get to it end it doesn't matter about the legal issues because you and your boyfriend are around the same age. furthermore, keep in mind that you cannot control how people feel or how they behave so don't let their actions affect how you feel about your boyfriend. I can imagine it's hurtful to hear comments about someone who you care about and who cares about you, but keep your head up and know that it's no one else's business who you date. If you would like to talk about this or anything else, You can call 2NDFLOOR at 888-222-2228 or text us anytime.
This is a safe space to share what's on your mind and to get support from real people.
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