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I’ve been “sad” my entire life, but my depression and suicidal ideation started when I was 8-9, probably because of abuse. I was 13 when I finally tried to get help for all the abuse, depression, suicide, everything. I really thought I would get help, but everybody ended up making things 10x worse and leaving me with more trauma I started with. I’ll admit, I did some things wrong, but to be fair I was a traumatized 13 year old who was desperate for help. I was getting accused for lying, acting like an “adult” and if I act like an adult I’ll be treated like one, when I finally fought back, the cops, my mom, I get accused of being the “abusive” one. Those words permanently altered my brain, I just don’t get how people can be so cruel. I never asked to get taken away from my home, my parents go to jail, I just needed help, everything to stop. I didn’t need to be dragged around, I just needed words of motivation and encouragement, just someone to be nice considering nobody was ever nice to me before. I’m no longer in this situation, but the memories stay locked in my brain, and it feels like torture. I feel dumb for still letting this affect me, but for some reason it always comes back to me, especially at night, I always look up at my ceiling and think, “why me?”
That must have been a lot for you to go through. I am happy to hear you are no longer in the situation. The past cannot be changed, unfortunately, but what you can do is figure out how to use those experiences to make you stronger, more resilient, etc. Additionally, now that you are no longer in the situation, it may be helpful to find the right therapist and begin healing from your trauma.
I’m really sorry to hear what you’ve been through. It’s completely understandable to feel overwhelmed by those memories and emotions, especially after such a long and painful journey. Please know that you are worth it, and your feelings are valid. You didn’t deserve to go through that, and it’s not your fault that you were seeking help in a time of need.
Healing from trauma is a long process, and it’s okay to still be affected by what happened to you. It’s a testament to how deeply those experiences impacted you. You deserve support and kindness, and it’s important to keep seeking out people who can provide that for you. Sometimes, finding a therapist who specializes in trauma can make a significant difference.
Remember, it’s okay to reach out again, and it’s never too late to find the help and encouragement you need. You are not alone in this, and there are people out there who care and want to help you heal. Keep holding on to hope, and know that brighter days can come. You are strong for sharing your story, and your journey matters.
This is a safe space to share what's on your mind and to get support from real people.
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DISCLAIMER: 2NDFLOOR is a youth helpline designed to listen, help and guide youth in addressing challenges. Periodically, calls may be monitored for quality assurance and training purposes. You are assured anonymity and confidentiality, except in life-threatening situations. When receiving such an emergency phone call, 2NDFLOOR staff is required by law to report hurting yourself/others or abuse to the appropriate authorities. If you or someone you know is struggling or having thoughts of suicide, call 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org. In life-threatening situations, call 911.
