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My best friend has been going through a lot of shit. She's struggling with bipolar disorder and she has family issues. she's been sexually harassed and now she's just recently had her heart broken by a verbally abusive ex. She doesn't listen to me at all. She tells me she does but she never EVER takes my advice. It sounds stupid but it really hurts me. She doesn't care about my opinion and then goes to hang out with her toxic friends and she gets high and drunk and makes bad choices and NEVER listens to me. I feel stupid and useless. I just want her to show me the same love I show her and whenever I think about talking to her about it she always does something to make me forget. It's at the point where she wants to go back to the psych ward that she was in because she feels that bad again. And I feel stupid for wanting to talk about my problems. I know if I don't I'll keep getting hurt but I feel like I shouldn't burden her with my issues. There are a million other reasons I've left out that she hurts me without realizing it, but this is the main reason.
I am sorry to hear this about your friend. It seems like you're being a good friend and trying to help her but she is not listening to you. Your friend has to make her own choices and it seems like she will have to learn on her own. You have tried to support and help her but it sounds like she does not want your help. Also, you should be able to talk to her about your problems too, if you don't feel like you can maybe take a break from your friend. Please reach out to 2NDFLOOR to discuss this topic further or anything else. We are available 24/7 by text, phone or message board post. Our number is 888-222-2228. Good luck!
I would like to chime in if that's okay.
There are many stories like that of your friend's, Im sad to say. Many of them may stem from the same root, immense self-loathing, rationalizing, feeling like you don't deserve better. You treat the people you in shitty ways for trying to help. To be honest, I get her point of view. We don't want people on the outside to try and "fix" us, to insist that we do this or that because you will never know her life or herself quite like she does. But if you walk away with anything, let it be this: the worst thing you could do at this moment is abandon her. I know it's easy to walk away, to feel bad for being mistreated and ignored. But please stay with her. When I look back at the things I went through and the people that I treated badly who then left, I feel like I let them down. But the people who stayed even through all that I did because they knew I was in need, those are the people I am immensely grateful for. Friends like that are rare. Instead of giving her advice on her struggles, just be a friend. Go out to see a movie together or get dinner or something. Be an escape from her troubles, not a reminder. She has to go down this road on her own, but I promise that when she's finally out of that tunnel and she sees that you were there for her through everything, it would mean more to her than you could possibly imagine. Those friends are the reason we make it through. I want you to put your feelings of hurt aside and look at the bigger picture. You could be saving her life. I hope you'll consider this.
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DISCLAIMER: 2NDFLOOR is a youth helpline designed to listen, help and guide youth in addressing challenges. Periodically, calls may be monitored for quality assurance and training purposes. You are assured anonymity and confidentiality, except in life-threatening situations. When receiving such an emergency phone call, 2NDFLOOR staff is required by law to report hurting yourself/others or abuse to the appropriate authorities. If you or someone you know is struggling or having thoughts of suicide, call 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org. In life-threatening situations, call 911.
