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Ive been dating this guy for about 1 year and a couple months now. At first, everything was so amazing like I felt I was living in a romance movie. He is the first guy I have ever fallen in love with and I was the first girl he has fallen in love with. He is my best friend but there is some serious personal issues going on with him and I don't know if I can continue this relationship. He has social anxiety, he never had a real job (he is 19 btw), he does not have a car, and he is extremely poor. I was able to look past the job thing, the car thing, and the poor issue because last year his mother was diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer so I understood why money was tight and why he could not get a job because he needed to be there for her. Well, she has been in remission for a while now and every time I try to give him a shove at getting a job he becomes extremely sensitive and snappy towards me. It is embarrassing when my friends and family ask me about him and what he does. I usually lie and say he works in a restaurant and goes to college. He does neither. He also becomes snappy when I ask him to look into community college or take some online classes. I just want to see him better himself. He is so talented in graphic design and I just wish he could apply himself. I hate bringing up this job and education issue but I myself waitress part time and go to community college full time. He is always telling me how he is broke and when I bring up getting a job he just snaps and becomes agitated at me. He tells me "everyone works at a different place". I am only 18 but I need someone who has the same motivation and passion as me to make money and go to school. I believe I have fallen out of love with him. We used to hang out every other day but now I find myself making excuses to why we can't hang out and id rather just hang out with friends or be alone. I don't find the urge to have sex with him anymore and the little things he does bothers me. I have been feeling like this for about 4 months now but i am so hesitant to end things. He is so in love with me and he sends me paragraphs upon paragraphs on why he does and he is just trying so hard but i don't feel anything. Im jealous of my single friends and i find myself being attracted and curious to every boy that walks into the same room i am in. I just don't know how to end it and I'm scared that if i do i would really regret it, like so badly. I feel like the bond and love me and him have is something id never get again with someone else. I know I'm young but i seriously feel like he is the one for me but i know if thats true then i shouldn't be sitting her questioning if i should end it or not. I know he can tell that i have been feeling like this lately and when he asks if we should break up i keep saying no and that i love him and that I'm just really busy with school and work thats why I'm distant. I think I'm just scared to say it out loud because then it will be true. Im just so scared because this is the longest relationship we both have been in and I'm scared if i end it I'm going to miss him so much but i know I'm not going through a phase because i have been thinking about this for a while. Its weird because some days I'm like totally happy with him and i would get into these moods where i would never want to leave him but most days i find myself fantasizing about what could of been with other guys and other people. He is my best friend and i am so close with him its ridiculous, i don't want to break his heart because he is utterly in love with me but i can't do this anymore, its making me so unhappy but my only fear is regretting breaking up with him and realizing i miss him a week later.
This sounds like a very hard decision! (But at the same time also an easy one...if that makes sense?) You have to 100% do what will make you happy. The truth of the matter is that you are definitely not happy being with him right now and you have many valid reasons why. Breaking up is never easy and you are going to miss him and second guess yourself but that is just your mind playing tricks on you because you have a heart and feelings. You're young. You will feel love again. You will in fact feel love much stronger than this one. You can only trust this idea with time and faith though. Honestly, in your mind you are already broken up with him he just doesn't know it..you're pushing him away, making excuses, spending less time, finding interest elsewhere, having envy in single friends. Every choice in life is a risk but choices that we know are healthier for us will lead us down better paths. Who knows maybe for him losing you will motivate him to do something with his life. Breaking up with him could very well be a blessing in disguise in the long run for both of you. You just have to take that step and do it... and do not overthink it! If you would like to talk about this further please give us a call or text us at the 2NDFLOOR Youth Helpline. We are here 24/7 at 888-222-2228. Best of luck!
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