Sexuality
The idea of sex just repulses me -- to the extent it makes me cry, rage, and angers me. Like I have OCD, and I can't stop thinking about gross details. Like my brain stays stuck and fixated on certain images when I accidently see something on social media, or I hear of a dirty reference. How certain sex acts occur, someone seeing your places, the smell, the fluid. Some positions are legit close to the place you excrete feces, and people want access to that? THat's disgusting. Makes me a bit curious as to -- well how?? And I get frustated when I keep wanting to know "how" as wierd as that sounds. It's too kinky to be love, and that's what creates innocent children? Im a muslim conservative young lady, (20), I think a lot stems from sex being linked to shame before marriage, and since I am not married, it's all I think about. And when I know married couples do it, it surprises me as to how they are doing the "gross things" adults shame me if I were to break the moral code. Do you see my frustation? Like my mom always says "ew gross, that's disgusting" regard anything sexual, like when we saw a shirt with a kinky quote -- yet she be doing that behind closed doors. It's like paradoxically. LIke if its healthy and all, yet its been made to be "gross". This is a huge thing for me to share, so I'd appreciate an ultra-compassionate response, so I don't feel ughh about it. Thank you :)))