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I actually started college literally in August. Freshman year, and after two weeks (almost exactly two weeks), I had to drop out. Not only is this extremely undignified for me, considering I've always held myself to a higher standard, but it brings up another problem. My mother wants me to start again in spring semester which starts in January. If I didn't mention this already, I had to drop out after I tried to kill myself and was put in an inpatient facility. I feel like if I go back to college in January, I'm just gonna repeat history. Cause honestly, no matter how much DBT I get taught in inpatient, and partial, and IOP, I somehow get worse every time I leave one of these programs. And yes, I practice the skills they teach. I honestly feel like I don't know how to f*cking be a functioning human. Because any time anything even remotely important to being an adult human comes up, I break into a million pieces. I don't even have my driver's permit and I'm 18. Legit, the idea of being an actual functioning human in society, scares the sh*t out of me and I honestly don't think I could ever grow up... and I'm a legal adult already! I don't even know my own social security number! Let me reiterate, I AM EIGHTEEN! I am literally an adult in the eyes of the law, and I don't think I can act like an adult. Wow this took a very odd turn since I was originally talking about how I don't think I can go back to college in January... I'm sorry, I lose my train of thought all the time
I am glad your reached out to 2NDFLOOR. I am sorry you are going through this. You must have been extremely stressed in school. It is okay not to start college at 18 and somehow you have to get this through to your mother. Your mental health is more important at this point. I am hoping you are still in therapy and you can bring this up to your therapist if your mother is still pushing you to go back to college so soon. You could try taking some courses at a Community College if you feel like you would like to. It could be a compromise that you can make with your mom. Maybe your therapist can meet with you and your mom to try to explain the reasoning behind you not attending school right now.
I understand that you are an adult but like I said before your mental health is the most important thing. Are you on medication? If not, it is something to think about. If you are maybe have your doctor take a look to see if it is really working for you and if not you can try something else. I believe you are a work in progress and you have to keep up with the therapy and keep pushing. It might be hard but you will eventually start feeling like you are able to cope. I hope you try some of my suggestions and you can always reach out to us anytime. We are available 24/7 by message board, text or phone. Our number is 888-222-2228. Good Luck!
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DISCLAIMER: 2NDFLOOR is a youth helpline designed to listen, help and guide youth in addressing challenges. Periodically, calls may be monitored for quality assurance and training purposes. You are assured anonymity and confidentiality, except in life-threatening situations. When receiving such an emergency phone call, 2NDFLOOR staff is required by law to report hurting yourself/others or abuse to the appropriate authorities. If you or someone you know is struggling or having thoughts of suicide, call 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org. In life-threatening situations, call 911.
