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I didn’t wake up feeling the best today. Not sick, but like I didn’t want to wake up this morning. This feeling of self dislike was brought on, and I started thinking about how I’m lazy, taking up space, and that I’m basically good for nothing. I waste whatever potential I have or could have, and that I’m only going to disappoint my parents in the future. I obviously don’t want these things or feelings, but I do admit I’m attached to them, and believe them to be true. This leads me to think I shouldn’t have been born, or that I should be dead. What’s the point in being alive if I don’t want to do anything with my life? On the weekends without school, I don’t get out of bed until the late afternoons. Sometimes I won’t even get out of bed to brush my teeth or eat. I don’t even completely follow the schedule I set for myself. I lay in bed. On my phone, and no one can answer my questions. What is this called? Everyone tells me to just ask myself why I experience this, but I don’t know. I hardly even know myself. I hate whoever I am. I’m so dependent on my phone, and friends, I don’t think I can make myself happy anymore. When I try to have fun on my own, I look back a few minutes later, and feel rushed with thoughts of how cringe it is, and how much I hate myself. No one has given me advice on how to fix it. I want it it stop, but I’m afraid I’ll lose an even bigger chunk of my identity without it.
If you feel that you want to hurt yourself please call 988 someone there can help you immediately and provide support. I encourage you to reach out to a trusted person in your life or a parent and talk about how you are feeling so you can get some counseling. Having support in your life can help you navigate your feelings and also provide coping mechanisms so you were able to deal with ups and downs of life. Even reach out to your guidance counselor if you’re needing support at school, that’s what they’re therefore. if you want to talk about this or anything, please contact 2NDFLOOR at 888-222-2228, we are here 24/7. You can call or text.
This is a safe space to share what's on your mind and to get support from real people.
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DISCLAIMER: 2NDFLOOR is a youth helpline designed to listen, help and guide youth in addressing challenges. Periodically, calls may be monitored for quality assurance and training purposes. You are assured anonymity and confidentiality, except in life-threatening situations. When receiving such an emergency phone call, 2NDFLOOR staff is required by law to report hurting yourself/others or abuse to the appropriate authorities. If you or someone you know is struggling or having thoughts of suicide, call 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org. In life-threatening situations, call 911.
