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4 months ago I lost the only person in the world who made me feel that life was worth living. He loved life, I hated it. So I never got why God had to take him away from me knowing I couldn't bear it. I can't bear living without him. I don't get why he had to die when he loved living and why I wasn't taken instead. But now my brothers' death inspires me to live for him. But I can't do it. I miss his smile, his funny humor, his caring attitude and his protectiveness. What I was doing while he was about to die was strangely connected, as if we were interlinked. But now there's this knot in my throat, and a hole in my chest that can only be repaired if he comes back. Now I won't get texts back, or calls back, and I can't talk to him anymore. He is my person. Always will be. But I can't bear being here without him. I want him to come back and tell me he was just pulling a sick joke on me. I had been grounded for 6 months so I'm pissed at my dad because those six months I could've talked to my brother but in the same week I got it back he had to leave me. There was no reason for me to have to be grounded for six months and I'm so pissed. I'm so angry just thinking about it. Like if someone is crushing my heart with their hand. I cry nights over nights hysterically, though I can only cry in my room when everyone's asleep. Everyone acts like they care but they don't. And in times when I felt like this, I'd go to him. Now he's the reason I feel like this and he can't come to me. I miss my older brother, I just want him back.. Because without him I cannot bear it. His passing has been affecting me both mentally and physically. I cant even bring myself to do school work. I failed three classes this marking period, I get distracted so much and have hard times paying attention. I space out a lot. and everything reminds me of him. I cant help but be angry at everyone including myself. And i don't think ill ever be the same till i get my person back.
I want to express my heartfelt condolences for your loss. The passing of a sibling, particularly one who was so integral to your life, can be profoundly distressing and challenging to come to terms with. It is entirely natural to experience a multitude of emotions during this difficult time.
Please remember that you are not alone in your sorrow, and there are strategies you can adopt to help navigate through these complex feelings.
Here are some approaches that have been beneficial for me in coping with the loss of my brother:
1. Embrace your feelings: It is perfectly normal to grieve the loss of someone so close to you, and it is important to allow yourself to experience these emotions without self-criticism.
2. Connect with shared friends: Spending time with those who knew your brother can provide comfort, as you can reminisce, share laughter, and support one another through tears.
3. Consider joining a grief support group: Engaging with others who are also facing loss can foster a sense of community and provide valuable coping techniques.
4. Keep a journal: Documenting your thoughts and feelings can be a helpful way to process your grief.
5. Write a farewell letter to your brother: This letter is for your own reflection, allowing you to articulate what his loss means to you, even though it will not be sent.
It is completely understandable to feel anger towards your father for grounding you or to feel frustration towards your brother for his passing.
I have come to understand that grief does not have a specific timeline, nor is there a universally correct way to grieve. There is no deadline for your feelings. Be patient with yourself and practice self-compassion during this challenging journey.
I'm deeply sorry to hear about your loss. It's incredibly painful to lose someone who meant so much to you, and it's completely understandable to feel a mix of emotions, including anger, sadness, and confusion. Here are a few thoughts that might help you navigate this difficult time:
1. Acknowledge Your Feelings: It's okay to feel hurt, angry, and lost. Allow yourself to grieve and express those emotions, whether through talking, writing, or other outlets.
2. Cherish the Memories: While you can’t bring your brother back, you can keep his memory alive. Consider creating a scrapbook, writing letters to him, or sharing stories about him with friends and family.
3. Talk About It: Sharing your feelings with someone you trust can provide relief. Whether it's a friend, family member, or a counselor, talking about your emotions can help you process your grief.
4. Find Ways to Honor Him: Think about what your brother loved and how you might honor that in your life. This could be through activities he enjoyed, or by advocating for causes that were important to him.
5. Take Care of Yourself: Grieving is exhausting, both emotionally and physically. Make sure to prioritize your well-being by eating well, getting enough rest, and engaging in activities that bring you some comfort.
6. Consider Professional Support: If you find that your grief is overwhelming, reaching out to a therapist or counselor who specializes in grief can be incredibly beneficial.
7. Give Yourself Time: Healing is not linear, and it’s important to be patient with yourself. Some days will be harder than others, and that’s okay.
8. Express Your Anger: It's natural to feel anger towards circumstances, including being grounded. Find healthy ways to express that anger, whether through art, physical activity, or journaling.
Remember, it’s okay to seek help and lean on others during this time. You are not alone in your grief, and there are people who want to support you.
This is a safe space to share what's on your mind and to get support from real people.
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