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(Sorry if this is a bit lengthy. I’m just really ticked off right now) First off, i’m going to begin with basic info. I’m currently 13, 14 in a few months. I’m also trans (closeted) and
hispanic/latino, if that changed anything. I would also like to mention that i will be taking geometry the coming school year (10th grade work in 8th grade) and i constantly get high grades. I’ve gotten awards for being a good student. Many say i’m hard working i guess. I help out with my family willingly.
Here’s the problem, i have no freedom. I’m not allowed to go out at all. No going to friend’s houses, no going out for a quick stroll, no movies, no malls, nothing. I feel like i’m in a prisoner of my own home. I’ve discussed this with my mom recently and she said it’s because she doesn’t trust me. I’m not a bad kid. She just thinks i am because i’m “too serious”, antisocial and I would defend myself (just putting arms up) when she/my dad would beat me (doesn’t happen any more very often.) I personally find it to be ironic that she says i’m antisocial and too serious, when i’m not allowed to have fun. Technically, i’m not even supposed to have friends from school. Where else will i make friends? Online? Not allowed. Yeah.
Not to mention, i’m not allowed to express myself. Recently, they found out that i did art. They forced me to quit and ripped and threw out my art. I’m also not allowed to have interests, because they distract me from my work? They deleted games off my phone and don’t let me watch things in YT that isn’t related to religion. Quick reminder, I’m a trans guy. They don’t know. And i’m afraid that i will be kicked out or worse if they found out. I’m forced to keep long hair and my parents decide what happens to it. I cant cut it on my own because i’ll be physically punished. I’m not allowed to have a say in the clothes i wear. They will offer me clothes and if i dont like exactly what they want me to like, they will refuse to buy me clothes, shoes, ect. They once told me they would throw away all of my clothes and shoes. They did with half my clothes and all but one pairs of shoes. Half of my clothes don’t fit me. I barely have wearable clothes. We’re not poot either. I’m not allowed to order stuff online either.
Kinda going off track here but a while ago, they looked through a vent book of mine and found out i USED to be suicidal. Instead of getting me proper help like my brother had suggested, they told other family members and belittled me. Beat me. Scolded me. SHAMED me for having emotions. They believed i was a demon worshipper and that i was possessed by Satan himself. They ignored those cries for help.
I just think that they are a bit too controlling with what i can and can’t do, considering my age and my high achieving grades. Especially when i know many people younger than me and constantly rebel who are allowed to do whatever they want to. Slightly relevant but when my brother was my age, he was allowed to do whatever i can’t right now.
That is really a lot of stuff to be dealing with. It doesn't sound like they understand that you need to be your own person and do things you want to do (within reason) and have friends, etc. It sounds like you've tried talking to her about this so I don't know how that would work, but it may be worth attempting again. Maybe getting someone else like and Aunt or Grandmother to help you talk to her would help. Also, maybe once school starts again, you could speak with your counselor and see if they might be able to help you. You also mentioned your family is religious. Maybe you could talk to someone in your church to help talk to your family about therapy and the need for friends, wearing what you want, etc. I'm glad that you're no longer suicidal, but should that change you should contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK or the Trevor Project at 866-488-7386 which is specifically for LGBTQ+ youth. Also, you also mentioned you are no longer being abused by your parents which is important but if that changes, you can report abuse to 877-NJ-ABUSE. You can call or text us anytime at 888-222-2228
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DISCLAIMER: 2NDFLOOR is a youth helpline designed to listen, help and guide youth in addressing challenges. Periodically, calls may be monitored for quality assurance and training purposes. You are assured anonymity and confidentiality, except in life-threatening situations. When receiving such an emergency phone call, 2NDFLOOR staff is required by law to report hurting yourself/others or abuse to the appropriate authorities. If you or someone you know is struggling or having thoughts of suicide, call 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org. In life-threatening situations, call 911.
