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I don't even know where to start... I have not been doing great ever since I started middle school(I'm not in sixth grade), and even before that, I've had a history of self harming + unhealthy coping mechanisms like starving myself and such. So when I was in fourth grade, I was sa'ed by my younger brother. I told my father, and everything just went crashing down from there. Currently, I've been having thoughts of killing myself, because my family is so ignorant towards my issues that just keep making my life(personal life + school life) get worse. I have a schedule/system that I strictly follow everyday. My teachers, friends, and almost everybody else in my life respects + finds way to align with said schedule. My family however, doesn't care about my schedule at all. They make fun of me for it, they call it ridiculous, and just a bunch of hurtful things are said to me throughout the day when I'm not avoiding them.
I have ADHD, so things often tend to slip my mind, and or my head is telling my body to do something, but I just can't get up and do it so I just end up sitting/laying there(I know someone will know what I'm talking about). So my grade are just bad, no matter how hard I try. But there's always a point in my day where I've done too much work all at once, and then I need a break. That mental break is usually around my lunch time, and sometimes overlaps into my 5/6 period class. What I'm trying to say here is that I don't do well in most of my classes because of my ADHD + insomnia(not entirely). Because of my grades, my break is replaced with lunch tutoring on Mondays and Wednesdays...I don't need said tutoring, but my family seems to think I'm stupid so they do. Okay so, tutoring slipped my mind + I was already having a bad day because of all the stress. So I came home(this is literally that day before my birthday), and my aunt says 'why didn't you go to lunch tutoring today?', and I told her the truth; it slipped my mind. She didn't believe me. and told me I was being lazy, and that I just didn't want to go, and all that jazz. Then, my uncle(he's basically the source of 99.9% of my anger + sadness) joins in and starts berating me too. He had ADHD too, he knows what it's like. He should get me. But instead, he just thinks he can discipline the ADHD out of me because that "worked for him". So long story short, I got my door taken away the day before my birthday, cried myself to sleep that night, and on the night of my birthday too.
I feel like I'm writing too much. So to sum it up, I've had a history of self harm and stuff like that, my family claims to love + care about me while actively treating me like dog water, and I feel terrible + always have. My family is homophobic + don't believe in therapy, so I can't tell them anything without ending up in a prayer circle during Sunday worship. Also, I'm not Christian anymore, I lost faith in God the day before my birthday because of everything that had already been happening at the time. Wish me luck, goodbye.
Thank you for reaching out to 2NDFLOOR. It seems you are experiencing challenges in obtaining support from your family. While I cannot fully grasp the complexities of your family dynamics, I want to emphasize that no one has the right to belittle you. I am uncertain whether you reside with your aunt and uncle and if they hold guardianship over you. If possible, I suggest speaking with another adult who could serve as a mediator between you and your guardians. Engaging in a therapy session could also be beneficial if you are not already participating in one. Could you please let me know if the incident involving your brother has been reported? In the meantime, I have found that journaling can be a helpful tool during difficult times, allowing for reflection and processing of negative emotions.
I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such a tough time. It sounds like you're dealing with a lot of pain and confusion, and it's important to know that you are not alone in this. Your feelings are valid, and there are people who care and want to help you.
It sounds like you have been through some incredibly difficult experiences, and it's understandable that you would feel overwhelmed. It's crucial to reach out to someone who can provide support, whether it's a trusted friend, a teacher, or a mental health professional. They can help you navigate through your feelings and provide you with the support you need.
Please remember that your life is valuable and that there are ways to cope with what you're going through. It's okay to seek help, and there are resources available to assist you. You deserve to feel better and to have a support system that respects and understands you.
If you're ever feeling like you might hurt yourself or have thoughts of suicide, please reach out to 988 or a mental health professional immediately. You don't have to go through this alone, and there are people ready to listen and help you.
Take care of yourself, and please consider reaching out for the support you deserve.
Hey I want to say this I know exacly what your going through I had a similar story follow me on ig to talk more but only if you’ll like I can share my story and give you tips💯🫶🏾
You didn't deserve this, you never did. Also "prayer circle" can be used as an OPTIONAL add on to therapy like holistic treatment such as aroma therapies, and chiropractors. Prayer circle is not clinical. None of the practices are evidence based and are not licensed to do therapy
This is a safe space to share what's on your mind and to get support from real people.
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DISCLAIMER: 2NDFLOOR is a youth helpline designed to listen, help and guide youth in addressing challenges. Periodically, calls may be monitored for quality assurance and training purposes. You are assured anonymity and confidentiality, except in life-threatening situations. When receiving such an emergency phone call, 2NDFLOOR staff is required by law to report hurting yourself/others or abuse to the appropriate authorities. If you or someone you know is struggling or having thoughts of suicide, call 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org. In life-threatening situations, call 911.
