School
This month is probably the most stressful month I've had and will be having so far. I've already had three tests already, and two more coming up.I have a 15 minute "TED Talk" presentation on Tuesday that I'm nowhere near ready for. I have to write a 80-100 page Gothic novella by the 18th and I'm only on my second page. I have to write an exactly 500 word paper, that includes a summary, key passage and explanation, opinion, character description, and three big idea questions, on a book that I haven't even read yet by the 21st. I'm in 8th grade and I'm graduating this year which is stressful enough as it is, but we also have a lot of events, $10,000 worth of them, that we need to do fundraisers for. We're having a hard time raising money and the teacher who plans our events is constantly yelling at us and threatening to take away the events one by one. I'm also applying to three different high schools. I just had an interview for one of them and also had a concert band and jazz band concert on the same day. For another school, I have to have an art portfolio and that's due tomorrow and I don't know if its ready yet. Testing for the schools are in a couple of weeks and I'm not doing so hot in math. All of my teachers right now are all over the place and going back and forth between topics and lessons, especially my math teacher who I really need the most right now. My math teacher treats us like we're 1st graders, giving us class jobs like a nurse buddy, having a sticker wall, and talking really slow and overly breaking down lessons. I'm in an honors class and there were about 3 or 4 new honors students added this year. They don't know most of the topics we already learned so we're going back and relearning pre-algebra JUST FOR THEM when the rest of the 20 students in the class already know everything and should be half way through algebra 1 by now. There's also so much drama such as so and so dated so and so's ex or so and so's friend talking behind their back. And I know it shouldn't, but it also really bother me that this girl I got in a huge argument with earlier this year who I thought was my friend but treated me like I was completely worthless and useless for years and traumatized me is having the time of her life, with an entire new group of friends, a boyfriend, and apparently, a whole new wardrobe. On top of all of that, I'm extremely insecure and take a long time to pick out clothes or put on some makeup so I need to wake up at around 6:30am, but I usually sleep at around 1am to 2am or sometimes even later because of homework. And on top of THAT I have a crush who's kinda known for not really liking anyone, but then my friends are saying he acts like he likes me but he really doesn't because he acts the same towards me as he does any girl. Finally, I have to buy so many Christmas presents with so little time and money. With everything going on I sometimes have a sort of panic attack and have trouble breathing or feel extremely angry and accidentally physically or emotionally hurt people when I don't mean to. i just really wish I could stop time and take a nap or fast forward to winter break.
btw I've tried to get counseling/therapy and at first was really looking forward to it because I thought that just talking to someone might help me feel better. I ended up not liking it because they had my mom listen to everything which was really uncomfortable. They asked me things about self harm or suicide, which I have thought of but rarely do nowadays, and I don't want her to worry about me.