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Hello,
I have been with my boyfriend a little over a year now (im 19 and he is 18). I have had bad relationships in the past, and now I finally found the guy who actually treats me well. I barely ever fight with him and we respects each other. Him and I are open about almost everything i would say, like we have each other passcode to each other's phones ecc.. So basically, we have been dating long distance for about the first 4 moths, then after that I moved and now we are close again. He even came to visit me when I was away on those 4 months. Now, on the topic of masturbation, of course I knew he watched porn when we were away, like I get it, like im not crazy on that, I totally understand its human nature. Now basically, two days ago, we were playing truth or dare and the truth for him was "when was the last time you masturbated." And at first he was hesitant to answer, then he goes "um idk, i dont remeber, like 2, 3, or 4 weeks ago." Before he used to always be like "i dont masturbate anymore since we arent apart anymore so there is no need," and now he changed his answer. Like I def knew that he was still masturbating but he would always deny it now so I was like ok I believe u. SO the fact that he masturbates kinda shocked me. Cause listen, we literally see each other EVERY DAY and have sex 5/6 days a week! So I truly dont see the need as to why he would masturbate on those 2 days or even one day we dont see each other. I even told him this, like first of all im against the idea of him watching porn cause i dont see the need for him to see naked girls when he already has a girl. To that, he says," i think about you and look at your pics on those RARE times I do masturbate." Well thats a lie, because 10 i understand now that he masturbates more frequently than I thought and 2) im never send him pics of me so idk where that came from. SO not only the fact that lies to me about this masturbation thing bothers me. SO the day after (which was yesterday) I was still kinda cold w him because the thought of him masturbating to other videos makes me feel sad, like as if im not good enough, and of course he denies that. But if we have sex literally almost EVERY DAY what is the need to masturbate. And then when we do have sex sometimes I see him doing new things in bed and of course I think to myself "which video did he see this from." Like I feel like he could be getting inspirations from watching porn, even tho of course he dienies it, and this thing bother me because I want sex to be something more intimate, not a replication of a porn video. SO then yesterday I was kinda cold and him seeing that I was a bit off, he goes "why dont u trust me, i dont watch videos and I barely ever masturbate, here look at my phone if u really want to." SO usually I never say "yes give me your phone" because I trust him, but this time something in my gut was like "look at that phone, he is giving it to u." So we are both in the car sitting and he gives me the phone and so we are both looking at it. He has several folders saved on his ig (like for example: foods, sports, outfits, ecc..) and he has a folder called memes. SO I click on it and I scroll a bit down and when I scroll my heart kinda sank. I saw around 5 videos of girls twerking, with their butt's out, grinding on men. SO when I saw that, I gave him his phone bavk and I literally felt like the way I used to feel in my past relationships, I was totally shook. Out of anger I told him "wow so you really are like every other ex Ive had, you are no different." SO then he gets all defensive and kinda mad and agitated. I tasked him, why did u save these vides, and he goes "i dont remeber, i dont know, i didnt even know they were there." Those videos were all from last year up until tha latest one which was last Oct, (we started dating last August). So he saved one of these videos when we were dating, but I was away, it was long distance at that point. SO I ask him calmly, "since u dont remeber why u did save these videos, WHY do u think someone would save these videos, for what reason." Because obviously the ONLY reason that one would save those 5 videos of all the same genre (girls with their butts outs) would be for PLEASURE. And then he starts saying all random things such as "no, i dont remeber, it could have been because it was on a meme page, or for the music on the background, or because it was strange...." ALL EXCUSES, he wouldnt admit the ONLY obvious reason as to why someone would save those videos, he was trying to go all around the answer. And this is what shocked me the most, the fact that we are always sincere and we are able to talk like mature people in fact I always viewed him as someone who is very mature, but the things he said yesterday about saving those videos really turned me off. I already had trust issues from my past relationship so this really impacted me, not even the videos themselves (even tho I told him that I see him with different eyes now like Im kinda disgousted) but the fact that he kept going around the only obvoius answer to my question. Up until today, when I told him that I went back to the videoes and there was NO music, there were No jokes, the and only there he had nowhere to go aorund with so he said "yeah maybe I saved them for that reason, but I dont remeber". It took him a whole day of fighting, and me going to the extremity of finding those videos, putting in a position where he had to admit it, like why couldnt he have just admitted yesterday on his own. Then after that, we went to my beach house, and we laying on the couch watching Netflix and he tried to hug and kiss me but the second he touched me I got goosebumps like as if he was a stranger, I have never felt this way before. And then we discussed about how things kinda changed after yesterday, especially for me, after me finding those saved videos I feel disgusted and insecure thinking wow he gets pleasure (or at least he used to, idk if he still feels that way now) off seeing those big butts twerking and doing all that sexual stuff. And then I also said to him that idk how Im gonna feel having sex again with him, cause knowing me, I think about a lot, and I know and I fear that next time we have sex or are about to have sex that I will think of those videos and that is not okay. I am trying to forget but only a day has passed and I still fear things not going back to normal. Idk what to do, how to go on, if to think that his behavior is normal or not. I need help, thank you so much!

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2NDFLOOR

Super Moderator • 4 years, 1 month ago

So it sounds like this impacted you pretty bad. Do you think maybe he was denying certain things was out of embarrassment? It sounds like other than this issue, you guys had a pretty good thing going so I guess something you would have to ask yourself if him masturbating or not being completely honest about aspects of it is worth the relationship? If it is a deal breaker or your unable to successfully move past it you can consider ending things or if you believe you'll be ok eventually with the situation you can stick it out a bit longer. Ultimately, you have to be happy and comfortable with your significant other and decide what is right for you. Call or text us anytime at 888-222-2228.

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