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The last couple of weeks in my life have been so unstable and rocky, although it is like that several weeks each month. When this seems like they will get better, something happens that brings everything back to zero again. The relationship with my mother confuses me, but one thing for sure she doesn't like me. Ever since I was little, she hit me, but it started getting worse in 8th grade. She would not only hit and choke me but also comment on my body and my education. I've never felt like enough; even though I think I'm a good kid, don't do drugs, don't sneak out, don't skip school, I don't hit my parents. A couple of years ago, I realized that I would never be good enough for my mother. The more I've gotten older, the more my mother torments and punishes me. She always used to make it seemed like it was my fault, and I had it coming to me, and I would believe it. Now I've begun to see that she is delusion and hold anger against me for some reason. For example, the other day, I went to the gym with my friend, and the next day she commented, "did you even do anything at the gym? Your butt looks flatter" and of course me being angry, answered back with "what did you think I do? stand there? There you go talking smack, the only thing you know how to do," and she answered back, "that's why I don't let you go anywhere because you come back acting like a b*tch." I've noticed that every time I go out with my friends or family, she always finds a way to make me look like a bad guy. She says that she does what she does to me for the better, but I don't think that's true.
I don't know why she hates me so much. I've never done anything to her; I feel like a burden. She told me several times I am worthless, useless, a waste of space, and still, she won't let me go every time I try to leave this house. I feel trapped, and I've been trapped. I've tried several times to talk to her, and when I finally feel like she understands me, I figure out it is all an act. I'm a good kid, I'm not perfect, and I've made dumb decisions before but not like other kids my age. I'm tired of feeling this way 24/7; feeling this way is a constant in my life. My mom uses me to clean her house and take care of my sister while she goes out and parties with her friends till the morning. I don't know why I got stuck with her. I didn't choose this life. I am not the type of person to ask for help or tell others my business so its hard for me to tell the people in my life whats going on. All I want to do is move out finish school and be happy.
There are some things that are not clear from your post. The first is your age. If you are under the age of 18 and feel you are being abused, you can report that to DCP&P at 1-877-652-2873. If you are over the age of 18 can you start the process of moving away from her, or at least start planning. This might help you with understanding while you are currently in a unpleasant situation, this is by no means permanent. You will be able to get away from her at some point and it may even improve your relationship with her (MAY). You cannot change her behaviors, you can only change yours and your reactions to her. If you know you put in hard work at the gym, don't respond to her negative remarks. Be happy that YOU know you put in the hard work. Don't respond to her negative remarks. The reason people say negative things is because they (on some level) like the reaction they get from the person they are talking to. It's hard because our parents are such an important source of making us feel good about ourselves to ignore their negative comments, but do your best to be happy with you until you can get out on your own. Call or text us anytime at 888-222-2228.
Chiming in for extra support! I have to say, you've expressed your feelings and pain so courageously! You are worth it, and deserve to feel peace. I believe that you are good person with ambitious, dreams and hope to accomplish whatever it is that brings you purpose. It's very disappointing to hear that your mother treats you that way! It might not be a reflection of you as a daughter/person at all, and perception isn't exactly reality. Is there anyone you can turn to for support? - Even a guidance counselor? Find support and sarround yourself by people who help bring the best out of you!
This is a safe space to share what's on your mind and to get support from real people.
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