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I have told some of my close friends that i am gay and they are very accepting. One of my friends specifeicly is also very accepting of my strugles with my gender. I was born female but since i could remember i have always seen myslef as a boy. I have tried to be more feminen at times but now i dress very androgonus and have alot of guy friends and act more masculine.Over the summer of 2017 I had a major crush on a girl from my church and i did eventually tell about how i felt ( it took about a week and a half to build up the courage because i am very open about most things.) she was straight though. Now it is six months later and i now have a crush on another girl in my school but im very afraid to tell her. I am very afraid to tell my parents anything about my sexuality and gender itdentiy because im afraid that they will try and change me to be straight since they are very religous. I also am not sure if i want to accept myself as gay and i often find me angry at myself for being that way. I think that its bad that to relive that anger at myslelf in have cut my arm 10 times in the past 4 days.
I definitely understand why you are so stressed out, but you must find better ways to release your anger. First things first- cutting your arm 10 times in the past 4 days is pretty serious. Here are some resources that can hopefully begin to help you with this: www.self-injury.net (http://www.self-injury.net/) , www.selfmutilatorsanonymous.org (http://www.selfmutilatorsanonymous.org) , www.selfharm.net (http://www.selfharm.net/) , http://butterfly-project.tumblr.com/
I'm glad to hear that some of your closest friends are accepting- that must help a lot. It sounds like as far as your crushes go- maybe it would help if you knew if the girl was straight or not before letting the crush develop more and grow. I can see why you would be afraid to tell your parents especially if you know it will be a negative reaction...so don't rush with that. Take the time and do it when you are most ready. Be PROUD of who you are. You are just as special and important as everyone else in this world and deserve to be happy. Keep that in mind. Please check out some of the resources above and reach out anytime for more. You should even consider going to your guidance counselor at your school even if it is just to help with more healthy coping skills- you can open up to them as much as you want. Start with "I get angry a lot and need to learn positive ways to calm down". Simple as that. If you would like to talk to us further you can call or text the 2NDFLOOR Youth Helpline. We are here 24/7 at 888-222-2228.
I am very confused now beacuse my parent found out that im gay but i don't know if they support me or not. I definetly know that they think that its wrong to be gay because a few month ago i was talking with my mom and she said "same sex attraction will not be tolerated in this house hold". once she told me that I became very scared to tell them. Now that they know i don't know what they think of me. As far as my crush goes, she doesn't even know who she likes or what her sexual orientation is. Also since Valentines day is coming up soon I want to be able to tell her how I feel by then. The only good part is that she is one of my friends and that I have plenty of oportunities to tell them up untill then.
One other thing is that I don't like how people lable me. They would say lesbian and I i don't like being called that. I have told those people that i don't like tht lable but they don't care, they also don't care that i don't want them telling everyone that im gay.
Good for you for telling your parents-that was very brave especially since your mom has told you that it would not be tolerated. I would say that it is a good sign for the most part if you don't know what they think of you. I am guessing that they haven't said anything to make you feel bad about yourself or uncomfortable in your home which means they may be processing it and figuring out the best way to deal with it. You can't control how other people label you so you should do your best to let that go. I think it is great that you stick up for yourself and express your wants, beliefs, etc. but at the end of the day that is all you have control over - yourself and your actions. If anything, start to ignore their comments- by doing this they may begin to just stop even using a label on you. If you would like to talk to us further you can call or text the 2NDFLOOR Youth Helpline. We are here 24/7 at 888-222-2228. Good luck with your crush!
I never came out to my parents as gay. They found out by reading my texts on my phone. I definetly wasn't ready to come out to them yet. I still don't feel very good about myself and I've still been cutting my arm daily. I think what started me cutting is my friend telling me to snap out of it and deal with my problems and me trying to get help was me being selfish. I have felt very selfish for trying to run away from my problems and not facing them. Also I think that the stress of school has put me over the edge to self harm. I did try to cut before that day and nothing would cut me. But after that day i hve started cutting daily. Some days i just cut to stop me from crying at night. over time the cuts have gotten deeper and i grown more tolerent to the pain.
I understand that you feel stressed because of everything you are going through. It is unfortunate that your friend treated you that way instead of supporting you. There are other ways to deal with the pain without cutting. Is it possible for you to speak to a counselor at school? The counselor might be able to give you some support. Also, there are some good websites about self harm and sexuality you should check out. This way you don't feel like you're alone in this. Try this for self-harm: www.selfharm.net (http://www.selfharm.net/). These are some good sites for sexuality, there are people who might be able to help you with the issue with your parents: www.youthtalkline.org (http://www.youthtalkline.org/) or www.thetrevorproject.org (http://www.thetrevorproject.org). You can reach out to 2ndfloor anytime also. We are available 24/7 by text or phone- 888-222-2228.
This is a safe space to share what's on your mind and to get support from real people.
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DISCLAIMER: 2NDFLOOR is a youth helpline designed to listen, help and guide youth in addressing challenges. Periodically, calls may be monitored for quality assurance and training purposes. You are assured anonymity and confidentiality, except in life-threatening situations. When receiving such an emergency phone call, 2NDFLOOR staff is required by law to report hurting yourself/others or abuse to the appropriate authorities. If you or someone you know is struggling or having thoughts of suicide, call 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org. In life-threatening situations, call 911.
