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I was in a 2 year relationship with my ex. About a year and a half in I’d say he starting getting physical. There were many signs before I couldn’t see like screaming at me, punching holes in walls, breaking things, etc. He was terribly controlling and super insecure. I had no friends and I couldn’t even be with my family. Over time he started to punch me, give me bruises, kick me in the stomach, put his hands around my neck to the point I couldn’t breathe, and he claimed it was because he “Blacked out and couldn’t control it.” I was too scared to tell anyone so I stayed quiet. I finally decided to go to the police and they told me I waited too long and they were unsure if anything could happen. It really upsets Me and I feel like I have no one to tell/ talk to because no One really seems To care unless it’s about them. I just don’t find it fair he can walk around free while I still have so much anger and pain. Im also worried for the next girls. I just don’t know what to do to heal. I’ve been trying but it’s so hard.
Thanks for writing in, that sounds like an awful situation to experience and it's good that you got through it. I can't speak to what the police told you since I'm unfamiliar with the laws and how they work, but your best bet would be to go to the domestic abuse or physical abuse helping center in your county. Each county in the state of NJ has their own. They are the people that would know the laws best and be able to tell you what you can and can't do in your situation. The list for the state is: https://www.nj.gov/dcf/women/domestic/
They can also provide you with counseling for what you've been through. You can call or text us anytime at 888-222-2228.
It is really frustrating that once you gained the strength to go to the police they told you it is too late. I get you have all this anger inside you. Try to focus that energy on something that will help you improve or help others in the future. Maybe this will teach you to not oversee the red flags in your next relationship. May be a friend might be going through a similar issue and needs a friend who can understand. It might sound cheesy but at least channel the anger into something useful. Best of luck!!
This is a safe space to share what's on your mind and to get support from real people.
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