School
I only met my teacher in September and from the first day i met her i knew there was something special about her. I just felt like she was going to be the teacher i can trust and talk to. I am very quiet and shy, i don't trust easily and i bottle all my emotions up. It hard for me talk about how I feel. But one day I was sitting in the English office having a writing conference and my teacher stopped and was like "....is there something wrong? Why are you so reluctant to write this paper, are you sure you want to rewrite it?" I said yes because i need to bring up my grade i can't have a b or my mom is going to kill me." My teacher then asked "am i scaring you or freaking you out? We can take baby steps because i feel like your are overwhelmed." But my essay wasn't the thing that was bothering me, i have so much on my mind. My whole world is falling apart. The next day i heard"...darling can i speak to you after class." (the dot dot dot means my name) I wasn't having a good day that day in the first place. I thought i was in trouble, even though i dint do anything. My teacher said "I talked to the schools therapist about how I'm worried about you and (talking about me, this is what she told me she had said)I want her to be happy and find her voice, I know there is something wrong because she doesn't have a sparkle in her eyes or a smile that lights up the whole room anymore. I can see right through her fake smile and i can tell she is hiding something but i don't know what.She wasn't who she was on the first day of school. " and then she asked me if i would like to meet her? and i said"i guess" so my teacher walked me down and gave me a little nudge into her office and introduced ourselves. My teacher said that she has spoken to her before about her own personal problems. So i went into the english office that day and asked her if i could write a letter to the therapist first to get to know me and i won't feel as uncomfortable and my teacher was like of course, that is a big step. I am happy you are doing this" Friday i gave the therapist my note, but inly if my teacher walked down with me. The therapist was like when are your off periods in the day so you can come talk to me about what ill read. ... My english teacher was like "do you need my moral support and a push from me to step into her office the next time?' I talked to her for like 25 minutes, asked a lot of questions about me and stuff. But now she wants me to see her weekly and I don't know,i feel embarrassed and stupid. I am in 9th grade and i can't do anything for myself, my anxiety holds me back. I am so nervous to get back from my break because that is when i start. should i go to her? Why can't i fix my own problems? I am nervous to open up the therapist, i have had 2 therapists already before and it took me a long time before i started to talk. I don't want her to tell anyone else about me, after i left i saw her speaking to my guidance counselor. Does my teacher really care about me? I never had this kind of attention before. I almost don't want to go back to school because of this. The therapist gave me her email and her number, and was like maybe we could meet for coffee, just in case i needed to talk because i have such a long break? Is it bad? Is it bad that my teacher told the therapist about me?