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Hello. This is literally the ONLY place I feel comfortable in disclosing my feelings regarding whatever I'm about to talk about right now.
I'm 19 yr old female virgin, ultra conservative, muslim, and my culture is full of "until marriage" beliefs and mentality. Living in the west is such a struggle where everything is so hypersexualized. I hate sex and I don't get the hype. It's embarrassing, and i am ashamed to have "that body" part.I'm repulsed by the idea of anyone having to see it and well -- you get the point. It in itself overall. I'm ashamed of my femininity, though I am a Cis, straight female and way to girly in fact. It's too kinky, dirty, repulsive and graphic. It makes me feel traumatized although I haven't had any history of sexual abuse. I'm in no way sexually active and wont be for 10 million years, but it distresses me when like in college for example, they do these "sex talks" and I happen to stumble upon them and I happen to be triggered and feel super exposed. I don't know what to do with this. It comes and goes, but today it hit me strongly.
It's wierd to talk about it. I don't know what to do :( I feel funny.
Thank you for reaching out. We are glad to know that you feel this is a safe place to express your private feelings since that is exactly what we are here for. These feelings that you are having are completely understandable, especially at your age. I know you may not believe that because of things you may see and hear in your surroundings. However, it is more common than you think. It is also understandable that your background may contribute to some of these feelings that you have about sex since it is believed to be a very sacred act. I feel like the best thing you can do for yourself, first and foremost, is to accept your feelings and be okay with them. I know that is easier said than done. However, these are your feelings and beliefs and you have to be confident with them and tell yourself that it is okay to feel this way. This is your life and body and no one else's. I also feel like it could be important for you to have support from someone that you can relate to. Is there anyone in your life or anyone that you can possibly seek out to have to talk about this with? I understand that you said this is literally the only place for you to talk about this, but have you ever considered a person in your life? You may find that once you know they share the same feelings it is easier to talk about. You're never going to change the world and people around you and what you hear and see, but you can control your way of dealing with it all even if that means removing yourself or walking away from an uncomfortable situation. Hopefully you will find your peace! If you want to talk about this more you can call or text us at the 2NDFLOOR Youth Helpline. We are here 24/7 at 888-222-2228.
This is a safe space to share what's on your mind and to get support from real people.
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