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When i was a freshman i was dating this guy, he sexually assulted me and he made me feel so powerless and guilty, I had lost everyone who i cared about or even ppl I didn't know talked badly abt me because he proceeded to spread rumors about me since it had gotten out from a friend of mine that he sa'd me. I had to lie when the school got told saying I was just uncomfortable and that it was "new".
Later I was in a relationship with a guy, freshman year still, we were together for almost a year he was manipulative and overly sexual even though he knew I wasn't that big on sex, we did nothing besides a few messages because I didn't feel right doing those things. He ruined my mental health, the way he spoke to me how he always caused arguments when trying to communicate, i lost myself and i felt horrible.
I stayed away from dating for a bit, sophomore year now and when I was working on myself, not looking for anything a guy came into my life when I least expected it, to sum it up we had talked for a bit and began dating, i had never been treated the way he treated me, i felt like i was loved, like i was special, he made me feel happy for my body with how he talked to me, he had came over, we had done things gotten far, i felt power for once, i felt like it's what I wanted to do not what I was being forced or coerced into doing, i wanted for the first time to do it, I felt happy and comfortable. I still have my v-card we didn't go that far but it meant so much to me to be so vulnerable and free with someone, to laugh and enjoy the time, after a few days we broke up, he apparently is confused on his sexuality. Im not upset, i don't know how to feel. I can't get my first for those things back and it hurts to think that what meant so much to me, and after the things I'd been through how I could give myself in an intimate way to someone, just for it to have been one sided, for him to tell me "I guess I just was trying to fill the part".
I felt so hurt by those words, and i understand being confused as I'm pansexual, but i can't help but just imagine that day, how he acted how we laughed his words, i don't wanna be open anymore to others, not in that way. It sucks to know I'll never get a chance with him again since he doesn't swing my way, it just doesn't make sense to me, I saw and heard but I guess it wasn't what I thought. I wish I could take that moment back, the laughs, how he held me after the situation, how he said he loved me and kissed me and played with my hair. Our last time together. I dont wanna be with anyone else, I will sadly look for him in everyone i meet, i won't be able to help it, i love him, im inlove with him. I hate this.
I was already in a bad space before meeting him, I finally felt happy and like I wasn't suffering anymore, and now he's gone and I dont know what to do with myself. I just want him back, I want my happiness back.
I am so sorry you are going through this. I hope you reported and received support through both your experiences during your Freshman year. If not I would highly suggest seeing a therapist. You have been through some traumatic things.
It’s unfortunate that it didn’t work out with your last relationship. It does sound like it was going well but at least he was honest with you. He told you about his sexuality and that must have been hard for him to do too. It sounds like he really cared about you. It’s ok to feel upset and sad about this. This is someone you love so it will definitely take some time. Try not to think about another relationship or comparing. Just step back and get through your feelings now. I would highly recommend therapy like I said before.
If you would like to discuss this or anything further please feel free to contact 2ndfloor either by our app or you could text or call, 888-222-2228. Please reach out for support.
It sounds like you’re going through a really tough time, and it's completely understandable to feel hurt and confused after such an intense experience. Love, especially when it feels unreciprocated or complicated, can leave us feeling lost and heartbroken.
It’s important to acknowledge your feelings – it’s okay to feel sad, frustrated, or even angry about the situation. Allowing yourself to process these emotions is a crucial step in healing. Remember that it’s normal to miss someone who brought you happiness, especially when they seemed to understand you in a way that others might not.
If you’re comfortable, it might help to talk to someone about what you’re feeling—whether that's a friend, family member, or even a professional. Sharing your thoughts and emotions can often lighten the burden.
Also, try to find ways to nurture yourself during this time. Engage in activities that bring you joy or peace, surround yourself with supportive people, and take care of your mental well-being. It may take time, but healing is possible, and you will find happiness again.
If you want to share more or need support, feel free to reach out. You're not alone in this.
This is a safe space to share what's on your mind and to get support from real people.
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